Be Still and Know

Coming home was really difficult for me. I wouldn't even say that any one thing made it hard, but it's just hard and I really struggled for a while. It was a very internal struggle, though. I had amazing friends who were right there to support me and love me and be there when I needed them, but I didn't know how to let myself have a hard time. A large part of the reason I developed an eating disorder was because I never learned to let people see my struggle and I kept it all inside. I don't think I made a conscious decision to do that, but it's hard to be vulnerable. I don't like to be weak or feel weak, even though it wasn't about me being weak. I always looked at other people who shared their pain and weaknesses as such strong examples to me, so why could I not see myself that way? In church today I was really impressed by the sacrament prayer to bless the water. "O God, the Eternal Father, we ask thee, in the name o...

I found this painting while I was serving my mission and it quickly became my favorite of the Savior. I remember seeing it at a very low time and I felt that it embodied just how much I needed Him to pull be out of the things I was drowning in. When it felt like there was so much pulling me deeper and deeper into darkness and fear and frustration, there He was standing over me reaching out His hand to lift me back to where I needed to be. But, in all honesty, there were times when it felt like His hand was just out of my reach. I knew it was there, but I couldn't find it. There were many times where I would try and share some of my struggle with others and the advice they gave was to pray harder, study more, or have a little more faith. I can't tell you how much that hurt me. There I was as a missionary, trying to be as faithful as I had ever been in my life, and I was facing something harder than I ever had before. You're telling me I needed to have more faith? ...