This Is Me.

This is me.

This is happy. This is a daughter, a friend, a sister. This is a student. This is a white, American female. This is a reader, an artist, a singer. This is a yogi, a lover of the outdoors, a seeker of adventure. This is a Child of God.

This is also me.

This is depression. This is anxiety. This is an eating disorder. This is wishing I could sleep through life sometimes. This is a struggling self-image, a horrible personal critic, a professional self-doubter. This is also a Child of God.

This is both. We can be both. I am confident in saying that most people reading this are both in some way.

But where does that last part get lost? Where do we stop seeing that we are all Children of God?

It makes me sad seeing the generalizations people make towards others based on skin color, economic status, career, etc. I'll be honest and say that I have been guilty of it before. It's so easy to only see one side of the dichotomy that is the human existence. We are complex beings, not just good or bad. We all have a little bit of both inside us, no matter how much we refuse to admit it. Unfortunately, in the world today it is almost impossible to see good because someone will criticize you for choosing not to see the bad. It's even more difficult to see good despite the bad that exists. Where is our middle ground, people? Why can't we love and accept that not all cops are killers, not all depression can be fixed with happy thoughts, not all thin people are healthy, and not all black people are criminals? Why do we have to choose a side? Because our society is so messed up that we have lost the ability to stand in the midst of differences as Christ would have and love instead of argue for your side. Our society is so messed up that if you stand on one side of the argument, you're a bigot. If you stand on the other, you're too liberal. Even though we claim to be tolerant and all about free speech, we hate those who go against what we believe.

I'll be the first to say I get heated when people start talking about their opinions on mental health when they don't really have any personal experience with it. I hate it when people say eating disorders are all about vanity and a desire to look a certain way. It makes me want to sucker punch somebody when they tell me my depression and anxiety would get better if I just had more positive thoughts. I really have to sit down with myself and remember that they simply don't understand because that isn't their cross to bear, it's mine. That means that I can have an opinion and I can help educate others so that they might understand. It isn't my cross to bear to be living in this country with a different color on my skin. It isn't my cross to bear to be a member of the law enforcement. It isn't my cross to bear to be a minority. It absolutely is not my cross to bear to be underprivileged. That means I have absolutely no right to say I understand either side because I don't. BUT. I can choose to learn, choose to be informed, and choose to love, regardless of what others are telling me to think or believe.

I am constantly reminded of how perfect Christ really was as an example for us all in respecting and coexisting with those who think differently than us. And then I look at Pontius Pilot, who found no fault in Jesus, but was so pressured by the yelling, demands, and commotion of the people that he sentenced Him to be crucified, contrary to his own belief.

We have a right to believe, but we also have the ability to understand and seek to be informed. There is so much in the world that leads us to believe that we have to have an opinion on everything to be a good citizen and to know as much as the next person and that just isn't true. We can learn from those who know and who bear their unique crosses each day that we don't have to. It is a blessing to me when I can hear from those who choose to speak out about their experiences and their crosses so that I can better understand a world that I don't know. It is a blessing to me to help educate others on the world of mental health and the realness of it when there are many who misunderstand. All of us are going to misunderstand something at one point or another and that isn't wrong. But it becomes wrong when that misunderstanding make us hate, ridicule, accuse, and tell people how they should or shouldn't live. There are things I do understand and there are many that I don't, but I will always always try to recognize the dichotomy of the human existence and remember that we can't all be good, and we can't all be bad. Just like we can't all be right or all be wrong. We are, simply, both.