Be Still and Know

Do you ever think about the kinds of things you would tell your younger self if you had the chance? What would you feel is the most important for them to know? What wouldn't matter? Today is International No Diet Day. I know there are a lot of people who are going to scroll right past this, but as a woman living in this culture we have created, I think this is one of the most important things you'll read all day. We live in a time of extreme dieting and exercise regimens, disordered eating being more common than anybody realizes, and ridiculous amounts of "fatphobia." Fatphobia: Fear and dislike of obese people and/or obesity; Fear or obsessive avoidance of consuming fat. What does fatphobia look like? It can take many forms. Some common ones are having constant fear of what the food you're putting in your mouth is going to do to your body, looking at other people's bodies and comparing them to your own, restricting your favorite foods just because th...

What a strange time we are living in. Living room sacrament meetings, toilet paper shortages, no live sporting events, and a world deprived of social interaction. I have seen so many posts over this time of people feeling upset, frustrated, angry, etc. I have also seen a lot of positivity. Service is being rendered to neighbors and friends. Care packages and support groups and family video calls are being shared. Quite a few friends of mine were affected by the mission changes due to the virus and many had to return home before they planned to. Their initial feelings of sadness were understandable, but the more we talked, the more I started to understand a characteristic of God the Father that can be so easily overlooked when we are faced with disappointment or change. I remember when I first got home from my own mission feeling pretty discouraged. I had a hard time accepting and understanding what Heavenly Father really had planned for me and how this could possibly be part of i...

HOLY WOW General Conference was, yet again, the best yet. I seem to say that every time it comes around, but it never ceases to be true. Amid all of this confusion and craziness that a global pandemic has brought us, I felt so much peace listening to the words of our leaders and especially our prophet. The first round of the worldwide fast was powerful, but I'm excited to witness miracles as we participate in yet another worldwide fast on Good Friday "that the present pandemic may be controlled, caregivers protected, the economy strengthened, and life normalized," as the Prophet explained. I think an even more important part of his invitation was this: "F or all whose health may permit, let us fast, pray, and unite our faith once again." For all whose health may permit.  What really is the purpose behind fasting? Doctrinally, we are taught that fasting is included in what is called the Law of Sacrifice.  President Ballard taught that "The law of sacri...

In 20 or 50 or 80 years when people are looking back on your life, what do you want them to remember about you? Do you want them to talk about how focused you were on the way you looked? What about how concerned you were about eating that extra cookie or skipping a day of exercise? Far too often, we get caught up in the superficialities of life. I'm just gonna do a quick reality check with everybody and say that none of that matters. The way you look doesn't matter. Your height, your weight, your skin color, none of that matters. When we really take a minute to step back and realize that our bodies are just our bodies, we can take away all the negativity of what we hear and see in society today. Why is it that even messages about "body positivity" are still so focused on the body? Why aren't we learning to praise intellect, character, personality, strength? Bodies are beautiful and strong and they are our paintbrushes in the canvas of life, but that's j...

It has been a little while since I shared on my blog. I decided to write about something that has been affecting me and my family for the last few weeks, but first I wanna share a story. When I left on my mission, each member of my family strategically hid a letter inside of my luggage for me to find when I unpacked at the MTC. Of course I read them immediately and cried way more than I should have, but my dad's has always held such a special place in my heart. If you know him, you know he acts like a real tough guy. If you really know him, you know he is a softy for his girls. I have a big spot for him in my heart. He wrote me something that would strengthen me and uplift me for my entire mission, and still does today. Part of that was a scripture that I continue to think about when I feel weighed down by life or incapable of doing all that is required of me. It is in Doctrine and Covenants 84:88 and it says "I will go before your face. I will b...

Coming home was really difficult for me. I wouldn't even say that any one thing made it hard, but it's just hard and I really struggled for a while. It was a very internal struggle, though. I had amazing friends who were right there to support me and love me and be there when I needed them, but I didn't know how to let myself have a hard time. A large part of the reason I developed an eating disorder was because I never learned to let people see my struggle and I kept it all inside. I don't think I made a conscious decision to do that, but it's hard to be vulnerable. I don't like to be weak or feel weak, even though it wasn't about me being weak. I always looked at other people who shared their pain and weaknesses as such strong examples to me, so why could I not see myself that way? In church today I was really impressed by the sacrament prayer to bless the water. "O God, the Eternal Father, we ask thee, in the name o...

I found this painting while I was serving my mission and it quickly became my favorite of the Savior. I remember seeing it at a very low time and I felt that it embodied just how much I needed Him to pull be out of the things I was drowning in. When it felt like there was so much pulling me deeper and deeper into darkness and fear and frustration, there He was standing over me reaching out His hand to lift me back to where I needed to be. But, in all honesty, there were times when it felt like His hand was just out of my reach. I knew it was there, but I couldn't find it. There were many times where I would try and share some of my struggle with others and the advice they gave was to pray harder, study more, or have a little more faith. I can't tell you how much that hurt me. There I was as a missionary, trying to be as faithful as I had ever been in my life, and I was facing something harder than I ever had before. You're telling me I needed to have more faith? ...